Saturday, October 6, 2001

'Pardon me, ma'am' is an insult

Excuse me, ma'am, I said as I brushed by the fiftyish-looking woman who stood in the middle of the store aisle. She got a perplexed and disgusted look on her face.
   I just figured she was having a bad day - until I discovered my mistake. I had called her ma'am.
   This term of respect has apparently become an insult to certain women. It's a tough world out there for those us who were brought up to respect people. Parents used to -and some still do - rebuke their children if they didn't say ma'am or sir to adults.
   For me, calling a woman ma'am is just that - a show of respect. Apparently, I was a little too old - 35 - to be calling her ma'am. But, according to a new poll, many women of all ages find the word ma'am insulting.
   St. Ives, the maker of Coenzyme Q10 Wrinkle Corrector Lotion, recently conducted a survey of women between the ages of 21 and 60. The survey found that a majority of women are offended to be called ma'am. Turns out that some women say that if someone calls them ma'am, they must look old.
   Asked to name a specific age at which ma'amhood becomes official, 37 percent say 40 years old and 32 percent say the threshold is 50. Twelve percent of the women say it is never appropriate to call anyone ma'am. The woman I encountered at the store was certainly part of that 12 percent.
   Times sure have changed. Some of you may remember the '70s sitcom hit, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show." In one episode titled, ''Today, I Am a Ma'am,'' Mary and Rhoda lament about turning 30 years old. Valerie Harper, who played Rhoda and is now in her 60s, has written a book with the same title.
   Who is and isn't a ma'am?
   The St. Ives survey also asked women to give the top 10 signs that you're a ma'am. They are: You give too much unwarranted advice; you carry extra weight (on body and in purse); you wear sensible shoes; you have sagging skin; you are a particular age; you have age spots; you drive too slowly; you have an outdated hairstyle; you have wrinkles; you have gray hair.
   Of course, St. Ives is using the information to promote their product. ''To keep you off the ma'am list, our new Coenzyme Q10 Wrinkle Corrector Lotion . . . is proven to dramatically reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles also minimizing the look of age spots,'' said Kelly Doss, the company's marketing manager.
   Perhaps they should have called it the anti-ma'am lotion.
   The survey also asked participants to say whether they thought certain celebrities were ma'ams. For example, the women overwhelmingly pegged Queen Elizabeth as a ma'am but not Madonna. In a battle of television personalities, Oprah Winfrey received twice as many votes for ma'am as Katie Couric.
   Interestingly, most women see their own mothers and mothers-in-law as ma'ams but refused to categorize themselves that way, regardless of their age.
   But not everyone is rejecting the title of ma'am. In fact, some people are promoting it as a way to bring character education to public schools.
   A few state legislatures have considered or passed bills requiring public school students to address teachers and other school employees with ''sir'' or ''ma'am'' along with the appropriate titles of Mr., Mrs, Ms. or Miss. Louisiana was the first to implement the law in an effort to return respect to the classroom.
   And one New York store that sells American flags maintains the slogan ''Where they still say 'Yes Sir,' 'Yes Ma'am' and 'Thank you for your business.' "
   Many politicians in the South use ma'am and sir in their speeches. Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman said the following in his state of the state address last year: ''Ladies and gentleman: Are we making progress in our quest to make Alabama the education state? Yes, sir. Are we finished? No, ma'am.''
   Will I quit saying ma'am because of the St. Ives survey results? With all due respect, no ma'am.
   Ty Meighan is chief of the Scripps Howard Austin Bureau and can be reached at 512-334-6640 or meighant@scripps.com.
  
  

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Ty Meighan is chief of the Scripps Howard Austin Bureau. You can reach him by phone at (512) 334-6640 or by email at meighant@scripps.com.

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