Home-theater systems reel in the suckers

Home theaters are where it's at until the next electronic trend du jour hits the scene, and fanatics of the experience are carrying it to surprisingly excessive limits.
   The DVD player . . . the Dolby 5.1-channel sound . . . the flat-screen high-definition TV are well rooted in the mainstream's living rooms and basements, but now comes the eccentricity for which American materialists are known so well. It's so completely over the top that it will no doubt be present in one out of every three houses by 2005.
   These alleged life-changing accessories are the home concession stand and "The Show Starts in 45 Minutes" CD.
   Concession stand
   The first is a replica of a movie theater concession stand (complete with a lighted candy case and ample storage room); the second is a CD that counts down from 45 minutes to movie time ("The show will start in 45 . . . 30 . . . 15 minutes" with the sounds of incoming people in the background).
   Both accessories are must-haves for any serious home theater aficionado who needs plentiful supplies of Jujubes and a half-hour to complete necessary preparations for a movie. From the inside of the ultimate home theater, which sports locking movie poster frames and Regal Rocker theater seats (complete with cupholder), it might seem normal to want an antique popcorn popper to add to the area's aromatic mystique.
   Like a private screening
   Ever since the advent of the VCR, people have indulged in making it a "Blockbuster night." But now the video store is also a DVD store, and when coupled with a home theater system and $10,000 worth of additional merchandise, the night at home is like a private theater screening.
   Alan Hutchinson owns The Home Theater Marketplace (www.htmarket.com), which "brings the movie theater experience to life in your home." He started the company six years ago, and he's watched his sales double on a month-to-month basis. The industry is red-hot, not only for the pricey projectors and flashy flat screens, but also for the kitschy countdown CD.
   "I sold like 10 of those CDs this weekend," said Hutchinson from his Chicago headquarters.
   Low- and high-end
   Hutchinson agrees that many of the trimmings are ludicrous, but only a small number of home theater enthusiasts indulge in the extravagant end of affairs. Most are content with a couch, microwave popcorn and fresh-from-the-refrigerator Goobers. But others are colorful individuals who decorate and accessorize with a fervent passion.
   "I sold six plush theater seats yesterday," Hutchinson bragged. The total topped $6,000. For six seats.
   A small price to pay for some. Hutchinson recently heard of a man in Denver spending more than $1.2 million on his 80-speaker theater. The bare bones outfit can be acquired for as little as $3,000, Hutchinson said, but prices get steep as soon as you start adding extras such as high-end receivers. Candy cases and THX sconces push the price into the stratosphere.
   The wall-mounted candy case is on sale at htmarket.com for $695. One of the site's cheaper theater seats (the Regal Rocker) goes for $675. A three-line marquee (with 125 assorted letters) is $995.
   Their own lobby
   Mike Wood edits Home Theater Interiors magazine, and has seen enthusiasts go so far as to build an additional room to serve as a lobby with all the amenities.
   "We've seen theaters where people will actually have a ticket counter and have a mannequin standing in the ticket booth," said Wood from his Los Angeles office. "It adds a certain amount of character to the room. It takes what otherwise would be a home theater room and turns it into a theater and completes the whole experience."
   I guess that's why I don't like sports bars; they try too hard to recreate the environment of the game, and no matter how bad the food and how loud the volume, it doesn't compare. In home theaters, I'm down with THX sound and a clear picture, but leave the velour ropes and concession stands at the theater theater.
  

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