Syrupy sweet survivors

The tribe has spoken, and these ebullient fools won't stop smiling. They talk about connections and bonds. They cry before tribal councils. They ask one of the doomed to choose who should excommunicated from the Outback - him or his closest friend?
   There's something dirty about all of this rampant bigheartedness. Kind words and generosity fill a void in everyday life, but they have no place on this show. "Survivor" is about a contestant's coldhearted conniving carelessness, a winner's winsome venom. Yet all we've seen this season is back-patting, hand-shaking and hugging ... and host Jeff Probst provides enough cheese-filled cheekiness as it is.
   Although the stakes haven't changed - a cool $1 million will go to tonight's winner (7 p.m. on CBS) - the tactics have. Last year, an alliance boosted Kelly, Rudy, Susan and Richard Hatch to the final four, and after that it was war. Deceit. Trickery. Underhandedness.
   With so much cash in the pot in this elongated game show, that kind of ruthless behavior is warranted and necessary and expected.
   Instead this year we have Colby, Keith and Tina as our final three via an alliance. In tonight's episode, one of them will be voted out in a tribal council and the remaining two will face a jury of recently booted mates of theirs. The jury will vote on the ultimate survivor, and the winner will be announced in a live ceremony after the show.
   Immunity wave
   Colby, the 27-year-old happy-go-lucky auto designer, is riding a wave of immunity challenge wins. Keith, the meek 40-year-old Michigan chef, is enjoying undeserved and short-lived attention. And Tina, the 40-year-old supermom/nurse from Tennessee, is rolling with the punches and playing each angle. But none of them are showing any killer instinct.
   That callous Hatch-ian brutality is absent. And even if pushed to the Outback limit, could any of the remaining three muster up enough toxin to go off a la Susan's tirade last year?
   No, it's all gone. These survivors are a softer bunch, and the show suffers because of it. It lacks conflict, and since conflict is the main element of drama, the dramatic element this season is rubbish.
   The best example of these anti-drama horn-blowers came in episode 12 when Rodger was voted out of the Outback. Tina asked him before tribal council if he or Elisabeth should go if it came down to those two (which it obviously had). Rodger simply said that Elisabeth needed the money worse than he did, and that he should go before she did. At that moment, it was obvious that Rodger was a goner and Elisabeth would soon follow. And that's exactly the way it happened. Yes, if you're battling day-to-day odds, Rodger is the man you want by your side. But in this game, it hurt Elisabeth to have such a strong bond with Rodger. And when CBS aired Rodger's sacrificial ode, it took the drama away for the next episode.
   Give me redemption
   Now "Survivor: The Australian Outback" still has a chance to redeem itself. It's not too late; salvation is still a possibility. But it would require the three remaining Outbackers getting dirtily deceitful, falseheartedly fraudulent.
   It would require Colby to team up with Keith in a coalition, because they both know they don't stand a chance against Tina. Or Tina and Keith would have to plot against Colby.
   But knowing this group, Keith will kindly bow out of the competition because "Tina and Colby played the game far better than I did." So while that's highly unlikely to happen, I'm also not holding my breath for actual gripping content.
   We're still talking about "Survivor" around the water cooler, but the water is tepid and the conversation lukewarm. But while we have your attention, predictions are in order for the second installation in this pop culture phenomenon. In alphabetical order: