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Wednesday, June 27, 2001
History will be made in annual draft
Wizards could grab prep star with No. 1 choice
By Matt Young
Caller-Times
So, you've done your homework. You've got this NBA draft thing down cold. You realize that potential means more than production. You understand that Pau Gasol is a rising star in Spain, not some type of European fuel. And, if you know who Antonis Fotsis is . . . get help.
   You draftniks have seen the mock drafts. Forget those. This is the mockery draft.
   And, if you follow along with tonight's draft and put drastic, large X's next to all the incorrect picks that will be sure to follow, go find the Fotsis freak and make sure you both get help.
   And with the first pick of the draft . . .

1. Washington: Kwame Brown. Yes, history is made. For the first time ever, a high schooler is taken with the first pick in the draft. Somewhere, Billy Donovan is ripping out his moussed-up 'do, hair by hair.

2. L.A. Clippers: Tyson Chandler. The Clippers have no problems drafting young. Think new teammates Darius Miles, Corey Maggette and Quentin Richardson could hook Chanlder up with a fake ID?

3. Atlanta: Eddie Griffin. Lon Krueger wants an experienced player. Griffin is young, but has some experience in punching teammates. Krueger makes sure to immediately introduce Griffin to his new teammate DerMarr Johnson.

4. Chicago: Eddy Curry. Jerry Krause, still crying about somehow wrecking the Jordan dynasty, doesn't even bother scouting much anymore. But he watches "Preps" occasionally, and figures Curry looks pretty good in the documentary.

5. Golden State: Shane Battier. Battier doesn't need to shoot to be effective. Good thing, because with Antawn Jamison and Larry Hughes around, there won't be many shots left.

6. Vancouver/Memphis: Pau Gasol. The Celtics and the Rockets, who both say they want Gasol, are trying to get this pick in a trade. Susceptible to obvious reverse psychology, the Grizzlies take Gasol for themselves. The Celtics and Rockets then laugh.

7. New Jersey: DeSagana Diop. That Yinka Dare thing worked out so well for the Nets, they take another unproven big man. That's why they're the Nets.

8. Cleveland: Rodney White. He's supposed to be the next Vince Carter. Too bad he'll play in Cleveland and never be heard from again.

9. Detroit: Jason Richardson. He joins former Michigan State teammate Mateen Cleaves in Detroit. Once Rick Carlisle is dumped, Tom Izzo will join them in the Motor City and rename the squad the Detroit Spartans.

10. Boston: Troy Murphy. The Celtics are looking for another Larry Bird, so they reach for Murphy. Someone should tell Red Aurebach to keep looking.

11. Boston: Zach Randolph. Randolph should be happy to be a lottery pick, but all he can do is wonder, "I came out early so Troy Murphy could get picked ahead of me?"

12. Seattle: Joe Johnson. The athletic Arkansas guard is Scottie Pippen - back when Pippen actually tried.

13. Houston: Vladimir Radmanovic. The Rockets don't get Gasol, so they go for the always popular "best European player available." Rockets fans everywhere cringe.

14. Golden State: Jamaal Tinsley. This guy has the Jason Williams flash without the turnovers and bad decisions. So, yeah, he's good.

15. Orlando: Michael Bradley. The Magic will probably trade this pick, but there are no trades allowed in the mockery draft. Actually, Orlando could use Bradley's mean streak.

16. Charlotte: Richard Jefferson. He plays like the next Sean Elliott. Then again, that's what they said about fellow Arizona guard Miles Simon. Anyone heard from Simon lately?

17. Toronto: Brian Scalabrine. This guy looks like he can't play a lick. But just watch. He'll stick in the league for at least 10 years. If he doesn't, just forget you ever read this.

18. Houston: Steven Hunter. The Rockets are looking for Hakeem Olajuwon's replacement. No pressure, Steven.

19. Portland: Joseph Forte. This smooth guard seems to be a genuinely good kid. Someone make sure to keep him away from Shawn Kemp.

20. Cleveland: Loren Woods. Imagine a frontline of Chris Mihm and Woods. Picture them trying to guard Shaq. Now that's funny.

21. Boston: Kedrick Brown. Taking a lesson from the Rockets' strategy at No. 13, the Celtics go the old best-junior-college-player-available route.

22. Orlando: Omar Cook. He's not flashy, but with Orlando, all he'll have to do is pass to Tracy McGrady and Grant Hill. And, Omar, that would be Mr. Hill and Mr. McGrady to you.

23. Houston: Kirk Haston. Matt Bullard, meet your clone.

24. Utah: Brendan Haywood. This is the franchise that made Greg Ostertag and Luther Wright first-round picks. So when the Jazz see Haywood still available, they just can't resist.

25. Sacramento: Jeff Trepagnier. This USC high-flier is a poor man's Harold Miner. Ouch.

26. Philadelphia: Jeryl Sasser. The 76ers like guys who shoot a lot (see: Iverson, Allen). No one shot more in college than Sasser.

27. Vancouver: Gilbert Arenas. He says he wants to be an actor after the NBA. Let's see if he can act like the Grizzlies are actually an NBA team.

28. San Antonio: Jason Collins. The Spurs figure they can never have too many soft big men.


Contact Matt Young at 886-3702 or at youngm@caller.com

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