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Monday, July 9, 2001
Ending bullying is a team effort for the school
Experts advise counseling, support but not fighting
By Paula Caballero
Caller-Times

Michelle Christenson/Caller-Times

Aaron Broomfield, 12, gets a lift from his dad, Robert Watson, for the slam dunk. Aaron was bullied at Grant Middle School. He says he got support from school officials, and his friends also helped with the problem.


   Lucy Rubio enrolled her son in tae kwon do. Candie Hardin picked her son up 10 minutes early. Mary Martinez chose to homeschool her son.
   Each made different choices to help her children avoid being bullied at school.
   But most experts agree the best solution is one involving the school - the entire school, from students to principals - with a team approach to bullying.
   "Certain programs can be mandated districtwide, but then individual schools can also choose what to implement or not," said Susan Swearer, an assistant professor of educational psychology at the University of Nebraska. Swearer is doing a five-year study examining the bullying phenomenon.
   Engaging bystanders
   The bullied and bullies alike need to be counseled, and sometimes the two groups are the same.
   About one-third of the bullies in Swearer's study identify themselves as both bullies and victims.
   Even more help can come from engaging the remaining students in the school - the bystanders.
   "They are fairly passive for the most part, and that's part of the problem," said Paula Gill-Lopez, associate professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut and a member of the Governor's Prevention Partnership Bully Task Force.

David Adame/Caller-Times

Connor Hardin, 13, was tormented his eighth-grade year by bullies at Wynn Seals Middle School. His mother, Candie Hardin, picked him up from school 10 minutes early to solve the problem.

   "To mobilize that group and turn the bystanders into allies means they would not tolerate the bullying. They can confront the bully, or support the victim after the fact. They can do it in a passive or confrontive way, depending on the child's level of comfort."
   James Longo, professor of education at Washington and Jefferson College and a former junior high school teacher, said parents and students should try to find an ally at the school as well.
   "There are always some people in a school that the bully responds to," Longo said.
   "It could be a teacher, an assistant principal, a coach or a janitor. These are powerful people. Ally with these people. They could even be older kids."
   Aaron Broomfield, 12, who was bullied at Grant Middle School, said the principal, Carla Rosa-Villarreal, and assistant principal Denise Woodson both supported him.
   He said friends at school also helped him deflect bully problems.
   "I have one friend, he's kind of tall, big-boned, he's got muscles," said Aaron, who is smaller.
   "They left me alone for months when they knew I had him on my side."
   What parents can do
   Parents, too, can be allies. Longo advises parents to sympathize with their children and take their complaints seriously. Parents should also talk to school officials, even if children say they don't want them to.
   After Connor Hardin, 13, was bullied at Wynn Seale Middle School in the eighth grade, among the actions his mother took was picking him up from school 10 minutes early.

David Pellerin/Caller-Times

Connor Hardin (left), 13, swing dances with Sandra Gonzalez. Connor had problems with bullies when he was in eighth grade.

   Longo said parents may also want to consider getting their children private counseling.
   "It doesn't have to be a Woody Allen 30-year plan of intense therapy," Longo said. "Sometimes it just takes an objective third party to help navigate the situation."
   Experts advise that physical retaliation against the bully is not a good solution.
   "It rarely solves the problem," said Pat Bashaw, an assistant professor in the School of Education at Harding University and a principal for 14 years.
   "Then it becomes a situation of one-upmanship. 'If you react to me with violence, then I've got to get you back in a more severe way.' Don't react to violence with violence."
   Bullies, too, need extra attention from the school and counseling, experts say. Linda Milford, whose grandson, Zachary Norton, 10, was being bullied at Montclair Elementary, agrees.
   "They not only failed Zach in his education, but they also failed (the bully)," Milford said.
   "He needed special help and teaching, and he was failed, too."
   Anti-bullying laws

What to do
If your child is a bully:
Reinforce with your child the need to resolve conflict in a nonaggressive way. Ask the school principal or counselor for information on conflict management.
Spend positive time with your child every day doing something your child enjoys.
Monitor your child's television watching. Limit the amount of television and monitor the kind of programs your child watches.
Make a point of knowing where your child is and with whom.
Encourage your child to resolve conflict in a positive manner in your home.
Talk to your child's teacher and school principal about the problem. Work together on a course of action. If you suspect your childis being bullied:
Ask the child directly. Often children do not want to tell their parents because of shame, embarrassment or fear.
Work with the school immediately to make sure your child is safe, that effective consequences are applied toward the bully, and that monitoring at school is adequate.
Advocate for involvement of the bully's parents.
If the bullying is happening on the way to and from school, arrange for the child to get to school with older, supportive children, or take him or her until other interventions can take place.
If your child is timid and lacks friends, try to arrange for your child to participate in positive social groups that meet his or her interests.
Suggest that the school implement a comprehensive anti-bullying program.
Source: Kidscape (www.kidscape.org.uk)

   Some states have implemented anti-bullying legislation.
   In Colorado, Senate Bill 80 received final legislative approval this spring. The bill adds a provision to the Safe Schools Act requiring a specific policy in a school district's conduct and discipline code concerning bullying prevention and education.
   In Washington, the U.S. Senate passed an anti-bullying bill, but a House version stalled in the Education Committee.
   Some parents say they have considered transferring their children to another school, but most ultimately decided against it, figuring the same problem would occur at a new school. Corpus Christi school board member Lucy Rubio concurred.
   "You'll have the bully mentality wherever you go," Rubio said.
   "It's not just at school. Go to a football game; parents bully their way into certain seats. Even driving, you have road rage. You've got big bullies in big cars.
   "Little bullies grow up to be big bullies. We need to help them now so they don't grow up to be big bullies."
   Talking one-on-one
   Hamlin Middle School science teacher Sandra Herrera said peer mediation and student court can help students work through their own problems.
   Herrera feels parents should talk to teachers for help with bullies, too.
   "When I can take that bully and talk to that bully one-on-one, it's like talking to a whole different person," Herrera said.
   "I think that's what needs to happen more. When parents have concerns, I would encourage them to go to the teacher, and it doesn't have to be confrontational."
   Rubio said parents could offer to volunteer at the school, and help provide an extra set of ears and eyes in hallways and around campus.
   Rubio said parents should continue to try to work with the school on a solution - even if they feel they have been labeled troublemakers.
   "Its unfortunate parents feel that way, and they shouldn't," Rubio said.
   "I can tell you I've been there, done that. It was uncomfortable, and I didn't like it.
   "But the parent has the ultimate responsibility to take care of their child, and the administration is supposed to be there to serve us. Don't give up."


Contact Paula Caballero at 886-3758 or caballerop@caller.com

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