On Wheels by Brooks Peterson

Saturday, July 7, 2001

Yellow, but not mellow

David Adame/Caller-Times

The Zn in Mercury Cougar Zn stands for zinc and refers to the bright yellow clear-coat paint that is echoed on the logo on the floor mats. The car sports a Duratec 2.5-liter, 170-hp V-6 engine. Mercury officials suggest that a 196-hp version might be released.

It's an integral part of the human comedy: You plunge into a relationship with a song on your lips and boundless confidence in your heart - yet, in the end, both parties agree to go their respective ways. No rancor, no recriminations. Just a sense of mild regret.
   That's how it was with the Mercury Cougar Zn and me. It's not a bad car, understand. Far from it: In comparison with the handsome but overlarge Cougar it replaced a couple of years back, it's a vastly more appealing package. The little front-wheel-drive hatchback - particularly when equipped with the optional V-6 - can be a fun date.
   So was it me? Hey, it's not a bad car; I'm not a bad guy. Maybe it was a feng shui issue. Or maybe it was just bad carma.
   Problem with zinc

David Adame/Caller-Times

The 2002 Mercury Cougar Zn provides a roomy interior in the front and handles well.

   The problem, really, was not so much with the Cougar as it was with that Zn package. Zn, you see, signifies zinc in the Periodic Table of the Elements. In the case of the Cougar, it alludes to the screaming, retina-frying, cornea-melting Zinc Yellow clear-coat paint that covers virtually every square inch of the vehicle's surface (save, of course, the headlights, taillights and grille).
   But there is, inevitably, more: a color-keyed hood scoop (functional? who knows?); a big, whopping color-keyed rear spoiler; 17-inch machined aluminum wheels ... not to mention such strictly cosmetic touches as the upholstered front floor mats with the (very yellow) Zn logo and the optional leather seats with embroidered Cougar logo (also yellow - you expected maybe ecru?).
   Now if all this sounds a little overwhelming, it is. And when I got out into traffic with this not-so-mellowyellow machine, any illusions I had of forming an enduring bond with this machine evaporated.
   Obviously the car
   Evaporated, I was saying, when a kid in what looked to be a '94 six-cylinder Mustang pulled alongside and blipped his throttle, producing the flatulent bleat from the exhaust that is apparently now de rigeur for youths who heat up Honda Civics and so on. (Obviously, this guy was a player, as the radar detector on his windshield attested.)
   Why me? Obviously, it was the car - that, and my 16-year-old daughter in the passenger seat, who is just the age to be riding in such a car.
   I'm not completely clear on what happened next, but I think my challenger caught a glimpse of me at the wheel. At any rate, he instantly faded away into the traffic, and the question echoing in his cranium was all but audible:
   What's that boring old guy doin' in a car like THAT?
   For those under 25
   Good question. Here's the stark truth: This thing has no business being driven by anybody under 25 - and even 25 is pushing it.
   But there was another little problem. If I had answered that challenge, not that I would have, I might have ended up looking even sillier than I already did.
   What it is, is that the 2.5-liter 170-hp V-6 and the four-speed automatic trans don't exactly make rip-snortin' music together. Mid-range punch is decent, but acceleration from a halt could best be described as ... gradual.
   You understand, now, that I'm not encouraging shenanigans of the sort now on display in "The Fast and the Furious." Automotive competitions sanctioned by responsible organizations (NHRA, SCCA, etc.), good. Street racing, bad, bad, bad. But if you're going to be driving a car that radiates aggression like this one does, at least substitute a manual trans for the automatic.
   (Mercury literature indicates that an upgraded 196-hp version of the V-6 may become available, but releases on the Zn package make no mention of it. Hm.)
   But the good news

2002 Mercury Cougar Four-passenger front-wheel-drive coupe Base price: $17,200 Price as tested: $23,665 (includes $1,395 for Zn package) Drivetrain: Dual-overhead-cam, 24-valve, fuel-injected V-6, 170 hp; four-speed automatic-overdrive transmission Brakes: Front and rear discs, power-assisted, with antilock (ABS) EPA mileage: 20 city/29 highway Web site: www.ford.com

   With the exception of the grunt deficit, the other news is good. The beefing-up of the suspension delivers excellent roadholding, and there's a notable absence of swaying and wallowing in the turns. Not a trace of torque steer, either. And the optional four-wheel disc brakes (with ABS) are worth every penny of the $500 you'll pay for them.
   The interior - assuming you can live with those shimmering yellow logos on the seats and floor mats - is nicely thought out and well-executed. The passengers out back get short shrift, as is the norm in cars like the Cougar - but up front, there's room and to spare. True, one car mag has vilified the front seats, but the only change I'd make would be to dial in a bit more lumbar support.
   No question, there's a constituency out there for the Zn Cougar - one that can handle the $23,665 bottom line on our tester.
   As for me ... I'm more into stealth and misdirection these days. I still have visions of dropping a MoPar Hemi into a Humber Super Snipe. But that, children, is another story for another day.
  
  

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