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Saturday, May 27, 2000

Gold Star Mothers recall sons
Memorial Day weekend a time for sad memories
Kathryn A. Wolfe
Caller-Times

Paul Iverson/Caller-Times

Maria Castanon, whose son Alfredo was killed in Vietnam, says she takes a small measure of comfort in the fact that he was serving his country.

When Jesse Yanez Jr. died, his mother thought she could get to him anyway if she ran fast enough.
   More than 30 years later, Maria Yanez has stopped running. She keeps memories of her son - killed by three bullets in a Vietnamese jungle - close to her heart. Now, she waits to see him in heaven.
   "The first moment, I didn't want to listen to my priest. Then I thought if I ran I would get to him; I didn't know what to do," Yanez said quietly.
   "(Now) I pray for him every night. I say 'My boy, I miss you, and you're in heaven. Some day we're going to be there.' "
   This Memorial Day, along with families across the country, Yanez will pay tribute to her son, a U.S. Marine Corps mortarman. She will hang a flag outside their family home, and take another flag and flowers to his grave in his memory. He was killed in Vietnam at the age of 20.
   Yanez will also join other Gold Star Mothers of the Port Ayers Women of the GI Forum on Sunday at their annual memorial Mass. They share her grief - Gold Star Mothers have all had children killed in wartime military service.
   Yanez remembers Jesse as her boy, a gentle boy, who stayed out of trouble, had many friends and enjoyed art and music. She gave the guitar Jesse once played to his younger brother, Adrianes, now age 49.
   "For ten years there were just two boys and I used to dress them like twins," Yanez said of the two boys' close relationship. "We used to call him 'hermanito,' brother."
   Jesse dreamed of making a career out of the Marines, and would not let Yanez try to persuade the military that the stomach ailment he suffered from was too severe for him to be sent to war.
   A mother's love
   "I told him 'mijo,' (my son), let me try and see if I can hold you here," Yanez said, sobbing. "He said 'no ma'am, I always obey you but it's the only thing that I will tell you not to say nothing of.' "
   Time has healed some of her wounds. But there are places still too painful to venture. Yanez has not been to the Buccaneer Days Festival in over 30 years, since the last time she went with Jesse.
   "The last time when we were in that place . . . he says 'Mom, don't close your eyes, you better see everything,' " Yanez said through tears. "I quit going to the carnival."
   'My best Marine'
   In Vietnam, some of Jesse's friends called him "poeta," (poet) because he wrote and received so many letters. Many still come to visit Yanez, some bringing personal mementos such as a picture, or Jesse's old billfold.
   "He's my best Marine," Yanez said. "We love him, all of my family, and everybody here in my neighborhood. I love him like he was alive."
   Agnes Horn, chairwoman of the Port Ayers Women, urged everyone to remember the meaning of Memorial Day, and to make sure the youth of America, who have in recent years been shielded from the ugliness of war, understand the sacrifices of soldiers who have come before them.
   "Everybody's so busy with their own lives, I think they forget Memorial Day. They forget a remembrance of what these soldiers did for us," Horn said. "This is the way we can show our children . . . and keep them in touch with what has happened with history."
   Losing a child
   Horn said it is often difficult for relatives, especially mothers, to deal with losing a child.
   "We had one, she was so mad at God because she had prayed so hard for God to save him and protect him, and she got all her saints and threw them out," Horn said. "And threw me out, too."
   The pain of losing a child can be intense, but the pride the Gold Star Women feel for their children's sacrifice can sometimes help ease the sting, Horn said.
   "Their sons were not killed in vain," Horn said. "They're proud of their children because they went to defend their country."
   Maria Castanon, another Gold Star Mother, takes a small measure of comfort from the fact that her son, Alfredo, was killed serving his country rather than in a night club argument.
   "My son passed away over there in Vietnam, not somewhere here with drugs or something," Castanon said. "About that I'm proud."
   Killed by a gunshot
   But the day when three Marine sergeants stood on her doorstep and told her that the boy who helped her make tamales and sang her songs about gardenias had been killed by a gunshot, all she felt was numb.
   "Oh my goodness, when the people tell me about that, I say 'no!' and then I fell down on the bed," Castanon said. "On that day it was very hard for me, and I didn't feel proud. I didn't feel nothing."
   Alfredo enlisted in the Marines as a rifleman, thinking the draft was inevitable, Castanon said. He had planned on going to college when his tour of duty was done.
   To other mothers with children overseas right now, Castanon offered this advice: "Just pray for them, and that's all."
   Jose Cortez, an Army Special Forces infantryman in Vietnam, was also a hero. Manning a tank under enemy fire, he was able to save many others before being killed by a mortar shell in an artillery attack.
   "They say that he was a hero, because he defend his country," said his mother, Tetra Cortez. "That's what they tell me."
   Cortez and her family, including Jose's fiancee and infant son, were told that he was missing in action. They endured six months of waiting before finding out the truth.
   "Me and my daughters, we hoped that some day he might be a prisoner or something, but no," Cortez said. "They just found the remains of him."
   Her son's Purple Heart
   When she heard the news of her son's death, Cortez had a stroke and was hospitalized. The Army sent her five or six medals of his, including a Purple Heart, and invited her to a memorial service in his honor. But because of the stroke, she couldn't attend.
   "Oh, I felt sad. (But) after all that, everything passes," Cortez said. "What can I do? Like the priest say, God wanted him."



Staff writer Kathryn Wolfe can be reached at 886-3615 or by e-mail at wolfek@caller.com

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