Thursday, December 7, 2000

Making grief a bit easier

No matter how many guests Madelyn Olson may have for dinner, the holidays always remind her of that one special person who is gone - her son, who committed suicide 17 years ago at age 30.
   "Thanksgiving, Christmas, every other holiday and special occasions are rough because I have an empty chair at my table," Olson said. "Not even all the money in the world can buy that special person one more gift."
   On Sunday, Olson and fellow members of the local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, an international self-help support group for families grieving the death of a child, will remember their loved ones during the fourth annual Worldwide Candle-Lighting Ceremony. Chapter members around the globe will light candles at 7 p.m. in every time zone. Locally, participants are asked to bring a picture of their children to the event.
   "Losing a child is the most devastating thing on Earth," said Olson, recalling how doing for others helped her deal with her own grief and get through that first painful Christmas without her son.
   Didn't miss a meeting

To learn more The candle-lighting remem-brance will be Sunday at St. Mark's Lutheran Church, 4620 S. Alameda St. Registration begins at 6 p.m. For information call 852-4560 or (361) 384-2413.

   That December, Olson's church group was hosting a Christmas party for a group of day care students. Olson purchased storybooks for every child, gift giving that proved therapeutic and rewarding.
   Olson also found help from the support group, so much so that she didn't miss a meeting the first three years. Today, Olson serves as its facilitator.
   "It helps to meet others on the same journey," said Nancy Gamez, whose 19-year-old daughter died from a rare auto-immune disease. "We laugh, we listen, we're there to offer support to anyone grieving a recent loss."
   'Never forgotten'
   After the death of her daughter, Gamez said, some family friends stopped calling or visiting because they didn't know what to say.
   "They didn't know whether to ask about her or not for fear of making me cry or angry," Gamez said. "But you know what I tell people? That I always cry. They're not putting the tears there. They're already there. All we're in need of is a hug ... showing that you care."
   Gamez could have easily allowed herself to get lost in her grief.
   "Losing a son or daughter is the toughest thing to go through. But you've got to live for who you have now and not forget your angel.
   "And that's what we're doing this weekend, honoring our angels. They may be gone, but never forgotten."