Elaine Liner is Caller-Times'
media critic. Her columns are published Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. She
has been known to occasionally gossip with her readers in the Elaine
Liner Forum. Elaine can be reached at linere@caller.com
Tuesday, December 14, 1999
Elaine Liner's media predictions for the 21st century
So much for those end-of-'99 rehashes of the best and worst and most memorable people/books/movies/moments of the past 100 years. Gaze instead into the crystal ball of the Caller-Times media critic for some predictions of inevitable media events destined to occur in the 21st century.
What to expect (or fear) beyond the year 2000:
Tawdry tell-all books from the grown-up children of Michael Jackson, Rosie O'Donnell and Kathie Lee Gifford.
Posthumous publication of whatever J.D. Salinger's been writing up in that farmhouse all these years.
Elizabeth Taylor marrying a ninth time, declaring "This one's forever."
Octogenarian Mick Jagger linking up with teen supermodel.
Seinfeld marriage crumbling when wife hooks up with even richer guy on honeymoon.
Everyone in America wearing silver spacesuits, driving flying cars and eating their meals in pill form. Oops, those were predictions for the year 2000.
President George W. Bush's State of the Union speech decrying military actions by "Russkies, Chinamen and whatever you call those guys in Poland."
Boulder police marking 50th year of JonBenet investigation, vowing to bring killers to justice.
"E!'s Mysteries and Scandals" presenting "Whatever happened to Howard Stern?"
The Rev. Jerry Falwell declaring fruit off-limits to his followers because "it's called 'fruit.' "
Sixth time's the charm for Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.
Headline: "Gust of wind claims life of Calista Flockhart."
Chris Carter admitting he didn't have a clue what "The X-Files" was about.
Donald Trump buying planet Venus, renaming it Trumpus.
The death of the last, great old movie star. The very last one. Really.
The death of Milton Berle. Ten men struggle to close casket lid.
President Hillary Rodham Schwarzenegger. Vice-president Martha Stewart.
"Rocky XX."
Sue Grafton's "Z Is for Ziggurat."
Farewell concerts by John Tesh, Michael Bolton and Kenny G (at last!).
"Who are you kidding?" farewell tours by the Judds, Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.
"And the Best Actor Oscar goes to . . . Adam Sandler."
"Erectile dysfunction. Sure, it's embarrassing to talk about. Hi, I'm Bill Clinton. . . . "
Headline: "Prince William dumps wife for longtime mistress."
A revival of the "Annie Hall" look.
Seven more revivals of the sparkly disco look.
"Screech" signing for new season of "Saved By the Bell: The Nursing Home Years."
"Spice World" reissued in four-hour director's cut on DVD.
Headline: "Baseball welcomes back Pete Rose."
Headline: "New Pete Rose gambling scandal rocks baseball."
Baltimore Ravens winning Super Bowl. (OK, just kidding.)
"The E! True Hollywood Story" chronicling the tragic plunge into booze and pills of all current stars on ABC's TGIF shows.
Oprah Winfrey's "I Think I've Finally Got This Damn Fat Thing Licked Diet."
President Jesse Ventura. Vice-president Woody Harrelson.
TV that watches you.
Headline: "New research says Viagra and Minoxidil make deadly health combo."
O.J. Simpson finally admitting he didn't look for the real killers.
"Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2099."
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