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Brooks Peterson

Brooks Peterson's column is published Mondays. Brooks also sits on the Caller-Times editorial board and can be contacted at petersonb@caller.com

Monday, August 16, 1999

License-plate warnings could be life-savers

Corpus Christi Online

   Odd, the times a flash of insight will suddenly erupt inside your cerebrum. You may be pushing your mower around the yard, bathing your beagle, chasing dust bunnies around the dean . . . the possibilities are endless.
   In this case, it happened as I was motoring along South Padre Island Drive. It being an off-peak traffic hour, I didn't have to worry too much about being shunted into the guard rail by one of my fellow drivers. Thus, I had a little time to meditate about . . . license plates.
   Remember when license plates were just, well, license plates? When I was a lad, you changed your plates every year. One year, Texas plates would have black numerals on an orange background; the nest, orange numerals on a black background. You had a two-letter prefix followed by four numerals. The prefixes reflected your place of residence: Those beginning with "A" indicated Austin and environs.
   Oh, and no slogans; just "TEXAS." As I have written elsewhere, I preferred it that way. I mean, once you've said "TEXAS," what more need you say?
   Ah, but now: Now we've got the state flag; and lest anyone should miss the point, we've got "Lone Star State" across the bottom of the plate.
   That, however, is by the way. No one else seems to mind, so I'm not going to waste any of your time in the service of a lost cause.
   There is, however, another little license plate issue that could stand some attention: Ever notice how many limited-edition, special-purpose plates there are? It began with the introduction of what are known variously as personalized plates or ego tags: Beginning sometime back in the '60s, you could order up plates broadcasting any message you wanted so long as it consisted of no more than than six alphanumeric characters and wasn't obscene. (I've known a few alphanumeric characters in my time, come to think of it - but that's another column.)
   In the intervening years, plate proliferation has really taken off. There are specialty plates for veterans, including former POWs and Purple Heart winners (which, considering the fashion in which vets are generally ignored by a not-so-grateful -society, is at least mildly encouraging). There are plates for elected officials - judges, legislators, county officials, you name it.
   You want a plate honoring your alma mater? You've got it: Teasips, Aggies and exes of virtually any major in-state college or university are covered. You can have a State of the Arts plate saluting (what else?) the Arts. I think I saw a Be Kind to Animals plate a few days ago.
   Impressive though all this is, however, there is still room for some creative thinking on this issue. Such as? Such as this: How about special license plate prefixes that would alert us that we're sharing the road with characters who could pose a threat to life, limb and sanity?
   Herewith a short list of candidates:
   "CPD" for Cell Phone Dimwit - identifies driver as one of those people you regularly see weaving through heavy traffic while ranting into a phone to the accompaniment of violent, occasionally terrifying, gesticulations. Should the individual in question be calling in to a radio talk show, this particular warning could save you one heck of a lot of Bond-O.
   "LLB" for Left Lane Bandit - the galoots who herd their Plymouth Volares into the fast lane and putt-putt obliviously along at a cool 40 mph even as apoplectic drivers of Peterbilts, Kenworths and monster sport utes trail them in an ever-lengthening queue.
   "AC" for Acoustically Challenged - for the most part limited to teen-aged males who have wedged into their vehicles 50,000-megawatt stereos that render them absolutely oblivious to the presence of others on the road. If the occupants are hopping up and down to the beat, you want to give these guys a really wide berth.
   "RR" for Road Rage - a much-needed warning that you are in the presence of an individual so dissatisfied with the world and his place in it that an untoward gesture or maneuver on your part (say, an uplifted-digit salute) could have the direst of consequences. Until such time as we can set aside specific lanes for these bozos, such a heads-up could literally be a life-saver.
   Oh, yes, and one other:
   "DCBC" for Driver of a Classic British Car - alerting you to the fact that the vehicle in close proximity to you could dump its oil, fry its electricals and/or belch forth great clouds of steam at any given moment. The driver of such a vehicle is of course aware of this. You should be, too.
   That's enough to get the old ball rolling. Discuss among yourselves, then get back to me and we'll see what we can do drive the point home.
   So to speak.
   (Peterson can be reached by phone at 886-3772, or by e-mail at petersonb@caller.com)




Brooks Peterson

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